took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
