As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
