The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
