Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
