I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize