I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
