dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
