I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
