just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
