I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
