He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
