There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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