If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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