and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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