Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
