I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
