Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Panties = found
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
