Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
