I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
