after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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