the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
