I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
