Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
