We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
