just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
