its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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