evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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