I just made out with a guy for $7.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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