return my video game
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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Beer bonging to Ave Maria
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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