I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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