I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
