I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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