What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.