oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
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We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think he fucked my hip out of place.