Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night