what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke