you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer