So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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