you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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