Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
