I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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