you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
