Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize