i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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