Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
