i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
