i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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