so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
