roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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