Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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