You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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