he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
