Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
