just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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