I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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