I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
