Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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