Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
