how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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