he thought i was a dude.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
