mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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