cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
