So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
