this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
